Is There a Place for Small Talk
During Virtual Meetings?

Image Source: @fizkes via 123RF

Small talk during virtual meetings, or any meeting, is the meet-and-greet phase of a conversation. It helps us find something in common, something on which to build the rest of our time together. It's all about "breaking the ice," getting acquainted, or getting reacquainted.

I recently received an email from a reader who wished to discuss small talk during virtual meetings. She made two important observations:

"It can seem rude, when on a virtual screen, one or two participants are engaging in small talk but not everyone is included."
"Because people spend so much time in virtual space, small talk can feel like a waste of time."

Her points are well taken. If the chit-chat between two people stretches into a three-minute side conversation, others may feel left out and a little impatient as the scheduled meeting time slips away.

Why We Still Need Small Talk

So why bother? Dr. Carol Fleming, a communications author and coach, explains it well:
"The purpose of small talk as we know it, is to send out the signal, 'Will you be a friend to me?' But we do it in disguise. We do it in code. We do it in a secret language, where we say, 'Lovely day today, isn't it?'"

On a screen, we lose handshakes, body language, and the easy mingling of a conference room, so that quiet signal of goodwill matters even more. A few friendly words help people relax, and relaxed people tend to share ideas more openly.

Timing Is Important

As participants log on before the start time, it's natural and enjoyable to exchange pleasantries such as "What have you been up to?" Joining a minute or two early gives you time for this without cutting into the agenda. Once the meeting begins, small talk gracefully gives way to the business at hand.

Some meeting leaders keep the virtual room open afterward for anyone who would like to linger, and those few minutes can be a lovely time to pick the conversation back up. Yes, "Tell me more about the earthquake you just experienced during our meeting!" makes for interesting small talk. (This actually happened during a virtual conference I attended!)

Many organizations now build a brief check-in right into the agenda, such as a quick round of "share one good thing from your week." This is especially helpful in hybrid meetings, where some people are gathered in a room and others are joining remotely. A leader who greets the online participants by name helps everyone feel part of the same meeting.

Appropriate Small Talk During Virtual Meetings

One key difference between virtual and in-person meetings is privacy. In a conference room, you can lower your voice or step aside for a quick personal exchange. On screen, everyone hears everything. And if the meeting is being recorded or transcribed, as many now are automatically, your casual comments may become part of the written record.

A few guidelines can help small talk translate well to the screen:

Keep it short, especially if the conversation doesn't include everyone present.

Include others. Address people by name and invite quieter participants in: "Sam, we haven't heard from you yet. How's your week going?"

Stick to light, friendly topics like the weather, weekend plans, or the cat who just strolled across someone's keyboard. Save personal, political, or sensitive subjects for another setting.

Ask easy questions that invite a pleasant, informational answer rather than a deep or personal one.

Look toward your camera when you speak. It gives others the feeling of eye contact. While listening, it's perfectly fine to watch the screen.

Mind the chat. A friendly hello in the chat box is welcome, but double-check whether you're messaging one person or the whole group before sending anything meant to be private.

Whatever We Call It

The reader who emailed me offered a thoughtful suggestion: "Maybe we should change the whole process to something other than 'small talk.' Maybe just 'meet and greet.'" Whatever label we give it, the goal is the same: to welcome participants and set a positive tone for a successful meeting.

As we continue building bridges and helping others feel welcome, a warm start often begins with our willingness to engage in small talk during virtual meetings. A brief, inclusive greeting can make all the difference, especially for those who are still finding their comfort level on screen.